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This period signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your choice to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {